Mailed to me from another list I am on. I think we should start a rumor
based on this message.
>Found on rec.crafts.metalworking
>
>Subject: Beware synthetic oil
>
>Beware of synthetic oil, it can do terrible things to you and your
>beloved motorcycle. It will not only leak out of your engine faster
>than you can put it in, but it will also cause your oil filter to
>clog and implode, dumping debris and dirt into your lubrication
>system. It also will make every part of your bike permanently
>slippery because of its linear molecular chain dispersion action.
>Then it will leak onto your kickstand causing it to retract
>automatically, dropping your bike on the ground! But that's not all...
>
>Synthetic oil will round off your gears and spin your bearings. It
>will also splatter onto your seat causing your girlfriend to fall off
>in the apex of a turn and she'll never ride with you again. Synthetic
>oil coats your sight window and your timing window with a whitish
>pro-emulsification additive that is both non-removable and highly
>corrosive. Synthetic oil will completely leak onto the ground overnight
>and your dog will drink it and die.
>
>Synthetic oil will wear out your tires and make your battery leak. It
>will give you the desperate need to urinate after you put your full
>leathers on and then jam your zippers shut. It will contaminate your
>gasoline causing your bike to stall on railroad tracks and accelerate
>uncontrollably near police cars. It will make it rain during rallies
>and on weekends. It will lubricate four timing belts causing them to
>jump teeth and break your valves to bits. Synthetic oil chemically
>weakens desmodromic valves and causes the clearances to change every
>six miles. Then it melts the black soles of your riding boots night
>before you walk across your new carpeting.
>
>While riding past groups of attractive women it will cause both of
>your handlebar grips to slip off at the same time so you smash your
>windscreen with the bridge of your nose. It also causes your swingarm
>to crack, your studs to break, and your rotors to warp, and then it
>voids your warranty by changing your odometer reading to 55,555. It
>also dries out your wetclutch and wets your dryclutch. It makes your
>clutch slave cylinder seal fail in the heaviest traffic on the hottest
>day of the year while putting an angry wasp in your helmet for good
>measure.
>
>Synthetic oil hides your 13mm socket and puts superglue on your
>earplugs. Synthetic oil will scratch your faceshield and make your
>gloves shrink two sizes night before trackday. Synthetic oil stole
>your neutral and sold it to the Chinese for $1.25. Synthetic oil
>will make you grow a tail. Synthetic oil will write long crazy
>e-mails to your Internet friends and then sign your name at the
>bottom!
>
>Russell
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This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Sat Sep 02 2000 - 09:32:36 PDT