Hi list,
Would like to share a Military - Vehicle story with you, taken from the
pages of www.darwinaward.com . I suggest you visit the site..... It's
hilarious....and sad. By the way, after you read the article, DO NOT TRY
THIS AT HOME.
The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of
smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at
the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane
crash but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The
make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene. (My note: As a former
Ohio State Highway Patrol Trooper, I can say with some authority that if I
had come across this crash site I would have called the FAA to handle the
case.....to find out why, read on, brothers.)
It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO
(Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to
give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from
short airfields. (Technical note: Sounds like a RAT Rocket Assisted Take-Off
to me, but I digress.....)
Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world
ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the
Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. (My note: With a
dandy curve at the end of it.......DUH!) He attached the JATO unit to his
car (My note: I can just picture him humming a little tune to himself as he
tightens down all the bolts. So far, so good!), jumped in, accelerated to a
high speed, and fired off the rocket. The facts, as best as could be
determined, are as follows:
The operator was (My note: Heavy emphasis on past tense verbage.) driving a
1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from
the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently
scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed
of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power,
for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces
usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners. (My
note: I wonder if the windshield wipers come off at that speed or do the G's
pin em to the windshield?)
The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles,15-20
seconds, before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them,
blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. (My
note: Probably from his shoes as I am sure he was doing a "Fred
Flintstone"!) The vehicle became airborne (My note: insert Off We Go Into
The Wild Blue Yonder background music and visual image of wild-eyed John
Belushi in cockpit of P-40 in the movie "1941." ) for an additional 1.3
miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened
crater 3 feet deep in the rock. (My note: Oooooooh, that HAD to hurt!)
Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of
bone, teeth, and hair (My note: All of which is amazingly resilient stuff.)
were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed
from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel. (My
note: Why am I not surprised?!)
Ironically, a still legible bumper sticker was found, reading "How do you
like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-SH....(well, you know the rest of it......
This supports my belief that stupid people should not be allowed to breed.)
Regards,
TJ
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