I swore I wouldn't join in with this American election madness but I had
to send this which is floating around the internet over - Please
remember its a joke...
>NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>To the citizens of the United States of America,
>In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA
>and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
>revocation of your independence, effective today.
>Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial
>dutiesover all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
>does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair,
>MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
>outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the
>need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
>questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
>you noticed.
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
> Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed
> at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should
> raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the
> same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and
> "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look
> up "interspersed".
>
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
> your behalf.
>
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
> It really isn't that hard.
>
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
> good guys.
>
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
> Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
> confused and give up half way through.
>
> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
> of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
> game.
>
> The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
> may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no
> longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
>
> Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
> difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
> play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
> stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
> armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
> side by 2005.
>
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
> they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
> is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
> Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".
>
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
> national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
> Day".
>
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
> own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
>
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
>
> Thank you for your cooperation.
Regretfully no compulsory MV content...
TTFN
Jim
Honorary Secretary
ICQ: 58721472 [usually online 1900-2000 UK Time]
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