This is choice! I want to start an unsubscribe machine group in Texas.
Maybe we can start in College Station with the goon squad (the ones that
don't like MV's and old cars). Maybe some day every town will have a
chapter.
Oh, well, back on my head.
Royce
=================================
On Thu, 30 Aug 2001 17:53:32 EDT Cougarjack@aol.com writes:
> Hey Maxx, (obviously a serious braniac)
> Do you kiss your mother with that same mouth?
> Read the directions that are printed at the bottom of EVERY message
> you get from the list. Most primates are able to follow them, but
> there may be a few species that can't read Times New Roman. If
> that's the case, just hold your mouse like a microphone, speak in a
> loud plain voice directly into it, "unsubscribe me" and three days
> later, a large box will arrive at your home. This will contain the
> following:
> 1. One unsubscribe machine with mounting legs
> 2. One package of 6 pink polka dot condoms
> 3. A two quart water pitcher
> 4. A plastic funnel
> 5. A bar of Dial soap
> 6. 1 wooden ice cream spoon
> 7. An Eastern Airlines barf bag
>
> Do the following:
>
> Open the package VERY CAREFULLY! You are responsible for the machine
> while it is in your possession.
> Get a friend to help hold up the machine while you attach the legs.
> Sit is next to your computer. Plug the power plug into the wall
> receptacle. It is VERY IMPORTANT that this receptacle has GFCI
> protection, as you will see later on.
> Turn on the switch that says "POWER". The machine will start
> humming.
> When the humming has stopped:
> Open the package of 6 pink polka dot condoms.
> Stretch one over each hand and foot.
> Pull one over your head also. We are sorry that this one will fit
> loosely. We sent the smallest we had. However, this flaw will not
> interfere with UNSUBSCRIBE.
> Fill the water pitcher with ICE COLD WATER ONLY.
> Shave shavings from bar of dial soap with wooden ice cream spoon.
> You'll need a pile of shavings big enough to fill the palm of your
> hand.
> Arrange soap shavings, water pitcher, funnel, and barf bag in a row
> on a small table. You'll need to have them near your computer so you
> can get them quickly once you begin.
> To unsubscribe, do the follwing in this exact sequence:
> Start windows and log onto your email provider.
> 1. Open your email utility.
> 2. Click on "new message".
> 3. Address message to mil-veh-off@uller.skylee.com
> 4. Place nothing in this message.
> 5. Place funnel into waist belt of pants.
> 6. Place soap shavings into mouth
> 7. Take big swallow of cold water.
> 8. Pour remainder of water into funnel.
> Machine will begin humming again. This is normal.
> 9. If nausea ensues, use Eastern Airlines barf bag.
> 10. Click "Send" in your email program.
> 11. speak loudly into your mouse, "UNSUBSCRIBE".
>
> You may now close windows.
> In a few days you can check to see that you have been unsubscribed.
>
> Meanwhile:
> Unplug machine from power.
> Place machine back in box EXACTLY as it was.
> Replace soap, wooden ice cream spoon, and condoms with new ones. You
> only used five of the six condoms. You may keep the leftover condom.
> This is to see that your species doesn't reproduce.
> Empty barf bag if you used it. It is not necessary to replace barf
> bag. We have lots of them.
> Dry pitcher and funnel thoroughly. Replace into box.
> Write your credit card number on the OUTSIDE of the return shipping
> label so that it can be charged for any damage to the machine while
> it was in your possession.
> Place box on porch and a truck will arrive to pick it up.
>
> We hope this helps with your problem. Unsubscribe machines usually
> work very well for problem unsubscribe situations like yours.
> Best regards,
> THE UNSUBSCRIBE MACHINE GROUP
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Sun Sep 02 2001 - 11:15:41 PDT