From: Mr. Bones (mrbones@ixks.com)
Date: Tue Dec 24 2002 - 16:07:10 PST
<Boatswain's whistle over intercom>
"Now hear this: Sweepers, sweepers, park your brooms...Make a clean
getaway fore and aft....Secure all work, away all tools...Commence
Christmas Routine...The revelling lamp is now lighted throughout all
divisions. Now, sweepers"
<Sirens and alarm bells, klaxons, etc.>
"CQ! CQ! CQ! All hands man your Christmas Quarters, All hands man your
Christmas Quarters, this is <not> a drill!
"CQ! CQ! CQ!"
"All hands, stand by for a message from the Captain...."
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FROM: COMCIVMIDWESTCUCV: BONES, T., R.P.ADM, HAMILTON-JONES, K.D., DH3
TO: ALL PERSONNEL
DATE: 24DEC2ØØ2
SUBJ: HOLIDAY
TIME: 1346 ZULU
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TO ALL WHO SHALL SEE THESE PRESENTS, GREETINGS:
<1>
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY BY ORDER OF THIS COMMAND YOU ARE HEREBY INSTRUCTED
TO PROCEED TO YOUR PRE-DETERMINED GEOGRAPHICAL OBJECTIVE, AND HAVE A:
HOLIDAY, RELIGIOUS, CHRISTMAS, MERRY, ONE EACH, TYPE III, CLASS II, NSN
N/A.
<1A>
PERSONNEL UNABLE TO COMPLY WITH ITEM <1> AS DETAILED ABOVE FOR RELIGIOUS
REASONS ARE HEREBY ALTERNATELY INSTRUCTED TO PROCEED TO YOUR
PRE-DETERMINED GEOGRAPHICAL OBJECTIVE, AND HAVE A: HOLIDAY, RELIGIOUS,
OTHER, HAPPY, (HANNUKAH, KWAANZA, IMBOLC, YULE, ETC. ), ONE EACH, TYPE
II, CLASS II, NSN N/A AS REQUIRED BY SERVICE MEMBER’S FAITH TO
ADEQUATELY EXPERIENCE AND ENJOY THE SEASONAL SPIRIT PREVALENT AT THIS
TIME.
<2>
YOU ARE HEREBY FURTHER INSTRUCTED SUBSEQUENT TO THE TIMELY, EFFECTIVE,
AND COMPLETE EXECUTION OF ITEMS <1> OR <1A> AS LISTED ABOVE TO PROCEED
TO YOUR SECONDARY PRE-DETERMINED GEOGRAPHICAL OBJECTIVE, AND HAVE A:
HOLIDAY, NON-DENOMINATIONAL, CELEBRATORY, YEAR, NEW, HAPPY, ONE EACH,
TYPE I, CLASS III, NSN N/A.
<3>
ALL PERSONNEL ARE HEREBY CHARGED WITH THE COMPLETE, FAITHFUL, SAFE, AND
TIMELY EXECUTION OF THESE ORDERS.
<4> FAILURE TO COMPLY WITH THESE ORDERS IN A TIMELY MANNER MAY RESULT IN
PERSONNEL RECEIVING 1 (ONE) OR MORE LUMPS, COAL, ANTHRACITE, PUNITIVE,
TYPE IIa, CLASS I IN THEIR STOCKINGS.
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"That is all."
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.4 : Wed Apr 23 2003 - 13:24:43 PDT