From: ddoyle9570@aol.com
Date: Fri Mar 25 2005 - 17:05:56 PST
After careful research I have uncovered the truth about Government
Liquidation.
It is a closely held company primarily owned by one D. B. Cooper,
Hilliary Rodham Clinton, and Oliver Stone. The source of Stone's stake
is attributed to his success in the entertainment industry, Clinton's
fortune came from real estate holdings. The source of Cooper's stake
has eluded our crack investigative team.
In fact, GL does have an agent that bids on their vehicles. Known only
as "the man on the grassy knoll", those items that he does buy are
stored at a secret GL location on the Arizona/Nevada border that was
formerly used to film the alleged moon landings of the late 1960s.
This property was bought by GL itself in one of the early auction for
9.12 because it had intentionallly been improperly described a 1700
rolls of used toilet paper, rather than 1700 acres of property. Those
that claim to have visited the site insist either description is
accurate.
The full-color ads mailed to bidders regularly, along with the similar
full-color print ads are a smoke-screen designed to hide the GL Nelson
and Bunker Hunt-esque conspiracy to buy so much of the surplus from
themselves at inflated prices that they control the surplus market.
Our investigators have yet to crack this uncanny strategy, because from
appperances GL already DOES control the surplus market.
A co-conspirator, one Albert Gore, developed a new technology, known as
the World Wide Web, specifically to further the evil plans of this
fiendish mob. Without this technology, prospective bidders were force
to actually go and look at the items prior to bidding. This process,
known as inspection, but it difficult for items to be bought without
the bidder grasping what they may have been purchasing.
Perhaps the core of the whole misdeed is that GL encourages people to
bid blindly, by their description only. They mask their secret desire
through postings on their website with statements like "Inspect before
bidding", "lots available for inspection M-Th", etc., knowing full well
the average American is too lazy to actually get up and go look before
bidding, prefering to sit at home, bid, and then complain when the item
is not new old stock. A group of recent M35A2 buyers are planning
class-action litigation because the GL description failed to note that
their engines were two quarts low on oil, and a number of the tires
were underinflated.
I will bring you additional updates as our research uncovers more of
these tantalizing facts.
Regards,
David "I wish I wrote for the "Star" Doyle
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