From: Ron (rojoha@adelphia.net)
Date: Sun Nov 06 2005 - 10:21:30 PST
Be careful what you ask for APB....
The Swift Boat Veterans stated that Kerry carried 39 Jerry cans filled
----- Original Message -----
with Aervoe semi gloss OD on his SEA Yacht Club vessel that he distributed
free of charge to any ARVN unit he came upon. The ARVN units used this paint
on their US supplied equipment because they felt that shiny paint was more
important than body counts. However, due to intense sun shine in those
parts, the OD green Aervoe changed to a fluorescent orange in 20 days or
less, but still stayed semi-shiny. When Uncle Ho's minions wandered south,
they found it very helpful to have the capitalist Yankee dogs former
equipment easily observable.
Another little known Swift Boat Veterans revelation is that Aervoe was
started by Jane Fonda and Dan B. Rather under a convoluted juxtaposition of
their names, Jane Rather B. Fondadan. William Jefferson Clinton was employed
by Aervoe as a traveling salesman in 1977-1979 and sold large amounts of the
Aervoe Semi Gloss OD (for Oh, Damn!, it's turned orange again!) to 2nd Lt.
Oliver North, USMC procurement officer for the Black Door Supplies and
Contingency Planning Command (BDSCPC) attached to the Central Intelligence
Agency. When the press started to tumble to this connection, BDSCPC was
renamed Basic (issue) Deployment Supplies and Planning (eventual) Command
(BiDSPeC) and now Capt.. Ollie was made responsible for planning and
purchasing for future war supplies, with an intended use of 25 years out at
a minimum.
However, Mr. W.J. Clinton was still working the paint circuit and
convinced Ollie to purchase huge quantities of Aerovoe's new 383 CARC
coating simulator by plying him with a strangely scented brand of imported
cigars from Nicaragua called "Los puros que Huelen quieren el Atún pero el
sabor de coño abrasador". It was not for a couple of years that Ollie
learned enough Spanish to find out what made these cigars so special at
which time he stopped buying them and vowed to teach them Nicaraguans a
lesson they would never forget. Unfortunately, it was not discovered quite
quickly enough that the Aervoe turned a sickly looking salmon color within
30 minutes of application. So it was arranged that all 1,900,000 cases were
poured off into a mix of surplus American, German, British and Canadian WWII
fuel containers and hustled into warehouses in the Aleutian Islands where it
would hopefully be forgotten.
But kismet was still following the Clinton/Rather/Fonda troika. When
George H. called the '91' Persian Gulf Invitational Games to order, it was
observed that there was insufficient amounts of Sand Tan paint in the US
Governments ware house inventory to coat all those US owned green machines
being dumped in the Dessert Kingdoms of the Committee to Kick Saddams Butt
and Get Back Our Stolen Toilets and Oil Wells. These green machines were at
a distinct disadvantage sitting on the hot sand absorbing sunshine units and
simulating pizza ovens because the crews refused to stay inside them. So the
US was forced to look for sources of 'sandy' colored paint from sources
external to the normal US supply chain.
It seems that old Ollie had seen a chance to clean up his past
purchasing mistakes AND stick it to the frogs for not letting us fly F111s
over their country while bombing other folks. While he was a national
security advisor to Rocking Ronnie, he had arranged to transfer all
1,900,000 cases of his Jerry can contained Aervoe 383 CARC coating simulator
to the French Army to paint their home country based tanks in exchange for
80 kilos of goose liver and an unrated VHS copy of Barbarella. Ollie figured
that we were gonna hafta kick the feces out of the frogs eventually, and the
'zoomies' would probably appreciate shooting at pink tanks in a woodland
setting.
The Armee da Froggae however felt that the pink of the Aervoe 383 CARC
coating simulator clashed with the puce of the Tu-Tus worn by the Fermoir
Corps of Les Ingénieurs des Assembleurs de Pont. And this clashing of colors
at a combat crossing of a river would cause untold morale problems of the
Armoured Corps. So the Aervoe was placed in storage. And a few years later,
a canny frog of Jewish parentage read of the BiDSPeC request for sandy
colored paint, remembered all those Jerry cans filled with what the
Divisione of Surplusey Froggae Militre called GOGBTPE (Goes on Green But
Turns Pink, Eh) coating and thinks, "Merde, I can make a killing if I can
scrape up a few francs and sell this crap to the Amis!" So he formed
company, bought the paint, sold it to the US minus the Jerry cans, sold the
Gerry cans to surplus dealers all over Europe and made a killing. While
pouring off the paint, he discovered a shipping document from the original
Aervoe order stating that the BiDSPeC POC was a Capt.. North and sold by an
Aervoe Salesman Named W.J. Clinton.
A couple of years later, while picking up the "L'ordre du Fromage Vilain
pour les Grenouilles Génétiquement Impures" at a state dinner in Paris, he
was talking to the wife of the new American President and mentioned in
passing of the similarity of the name of her husband and the name of the
paint salesman on his windfall surplus buy. Hillary was astonished at this
Karma type coincidence that was right out the late 60's and took him over to
meet his indirect benefactor. Slick Willy said he would be most appreciative
if the gentleman would keep his knowledge of Willie's previous experiences
of 'covering up' things to himself, and asked if maybe he could scratch the
gentleman's back, 'so to speak'. The gentleman said "Sure, Can ya give me
some pointers of getting on the inside track of buying US Military Surplus?"
And Hillary jumped in and said, "if ya keep your yap shut about the paint,
SW can do better than that, Right, SW?" And SW said, "You , Betcha,
Monsieur...uh, I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?" And the frog replied,
"Latham, Levy Latham and my company is called 'La Liquidation de Fèces de
Gouvernement'....."
And now you know the rest of the story......
From: "m35products" <m35prod@optonline.net>
To: "Military Vehicles Mailing List" <mil-veh@mil-veh.org>
Sent: 06 November, 2005 10:24
Subject: Re: [MV] Fw: OT-Swift Boat Veteran Supports U.S. Senate Candidate
v. Socialist Bernie Sanders
> Very astute of you to have figured that out.
>
> Now, if you could somehow manage to tie it all in to Arvoe paints and
> jerry
> cans, we might give you a second chance.
>
> APB
>
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.4 : Tue Jul 18 2006 - 21:31:41 PDT