MEMORANDUM FOR Principal and Special Staff
SUBJECT: Christmas, type Merry
1. An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this
headquarters 25 December 2000. The following instructions will be in
effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit.
a. Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will
include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary
administrative actions will be obtained through normal channels. Mice
stirring permits will be obtained through the Office of the Surgeon
General, Veterinary Services.
b. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to
2200 hours, 24 December 2000. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas,
cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and
Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to
1900 hours, 24 December 2000.
c. Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums for visions to
dance through their heads. This item will be drawn from the servicing
dining facility.
d. Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care.
Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused
by carelessly hung stockings. Unit safety Officers will submit stocking
hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December
2000, ATTN: DCSLOG, for approval.
e. At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring
from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be
taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes.
ODCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference SOP No. 3, paragraph 6c, this
headquarters, 2 February 1998, will be in effect to facilitate shutter
tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all
personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no
shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown open prior to start of
official clatter.
f. Prior to 2400, 24 December 2000, all personnel will be assigned
"Wondering Eye" stations. After shutters are thrown open and sashes are
torn, these stations will be manned.
g. ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8)
deer, tiny, type rein, for use of MG Claus' driver who, in accordance
with current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a
valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop
parking and be able to shout:
"On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen,
Up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen."
2. MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units
without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during
ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job
Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19
December 2000, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-in.
3. Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting "Merry Christmas to all and
to all a good night." This shout will be given on termination of General
Claus' visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division
chiefs.
/signed/
CHRISTOPHER K. RINGLE
Colonel, USA
OIC, Special Services
Distribution: Everybody Who Still Believes
Glossary
NMI - No Middle Initial
DCSLOG - Deputy Chief of Staff, Logistics
ODCSOPS - Officer of the Deputy Chief of Staff, Operations
SOP - Standard Operating Procedure
MG - Major General
SF - Special Form
DA - Department of the Army
Merry Christmas to all!
James Shanks
The Line Below is my Ham Radio Callsign
n1vbn@bit-net.com
The line below is my Ham Radio Packet Address
N1VBN @ WB1DSW.NH.USA.NOAM
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