From: Bruce C. Beattie (bruce@eecs.berkeley.edu)
Date: Mon Feb 10 2003 - 13:12:37 PST
This was allegedly posted very briefly on the
McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee there who
obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of
course, does not have a sense of humor, and made the
web department take it down immediately (for once, the
'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too....BE
SURE TO READ IT ALL THE WAY TO THE END!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas
military aircraft. In order to protect your new
investment, please take a few moments to fill out the
warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
questions is not required, but the information will
help us to develop new products that best meet your
needs and desires.
1. Title
[_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen.
[_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other
First Name:
............................................ Initial:
........ Last
Name:..............................................
Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
Code
Name:..............................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ......................
2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat [_] F-15 Eagle [_] F-16 Falcon [_]
F-117A Stealth [_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):
......../......./......
4. Serial Number:
........................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package [_] Catalogue /
showroom [_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order [_] Discount store [_] Government
surplus [_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the
McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store display
[_] Espionage [_] Recommended by friend / relative /
ally [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer [_] Was
attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most
influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell
Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance [_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value [_] Comfort / convenience [_]
Kickback / bribe [_] Recommended by salesperson [_]
McDonnell Douglas reputation [_] Advanced Weapons
Systems [_] Backroom politics [_] Negative experience
opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this
product will be used:
[_] North America [_] Iraq [_] Iraq [_] Aircraft
carrier [_] Iraq [_] Europe [_] Iraq [_] Middle East
(not Iraq) [_] Iraq [_] Africa [_] Iraq [_] Asia / Far
East [_] Iraq [_] Misc. Third World countries [_] Iraq
[_] Classified [_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently
own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV [_] VCR [_] ICBM [_] Killer Satellite
[_] Satellite Killer [_] CD Player [_] Air-to-Air
Missile [_] Space Shuttle [_] Home Computer [_]
Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your
organization? (Indicate all that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist [_] Terrorist [_] Crazed
[_] Neutral [_] Democratic [_] Dictatorship [_]
Corrupt [_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas
product?
[_] Deficit spending [_] Cash [_] Suitcases of
cocaine [_] Oil revenues [_] Personal check [_] Credit
card [_] Ransom money [_] Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker [_] Sales / marketing [_]
Revolutionary [_] Clerical [_] Mercenary [_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management [_] Eccentric billionaire [_]
Defense Minister / General [_] Retired [_] Student
13. To help us better understand our customers,
please indicate the interests and activities in which
you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular
basis:
[_] Golf [_] Boating / sailing [_] Sabotage [_]
Running / jogging [_] Propaganda / misinformation [_]
Destabilization / overthrow [_] Default on loans [_]
Gardening [_] Crafts [_] Black market / smuggling [_]
Collectibles / collections [_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines [_] Interrogation / torture [_] Household
pets [_] Crushing rebellions [_] Espionage /
reconnaissance [_] Fashion clothing [_] Border
disputes [_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this
questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market
studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
better in the future - as well as allowing you to
receive mailings and special offers from other
companies, governments, extremist groups, and
mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to
this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new
F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION,
Marketing Department, Military Aerospace Division
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the
individual addressee(s) named above and may contain
information that is confidential privileged or
unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low
self-esteem, no sense of humor, or irrational
religious beliefs. If you are not the intended
recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying
of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or
implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux
pas.
Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its
correct context somewhere other than in this warning,
it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may
be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission
of this email, although the pit bull next door is
living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the
unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no
hidden message revealed by reading this warning
backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from
Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of
salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure
that no harm befalls you and your pets.
If you have received this email in error, please add
some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm
oven for 40 minutes.
Sure, you can TRUST the Gov't. Ask any Indian.
=====
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.4 : Wed Apr 23 2003 - 13:25:27 PDT