From: John Doherty (mofta@hiwaay.net)
Date: Tue May 11 2004 - 21:22:15 PDT
Personally, I believe the Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam, has had us all beat
for quite some time, as far as security goes.
During the Gulf War, I was returning from Europe and had my own misadventure
there. A typical security patrol was a pair of roving officers, one with
automatic weapon and one with a sniper rifle. Each international gate had
two more security guards manning the scanner leading to each plane. I was
waiting near the boarding gate, with both my and my business associates
briefcases, while he was making a phone call home. One of the guards kept
motioning me to board, and I kept putting her off telling her I was waiting
for someone else. As a straggling group of passengers was making the last
call to board, my business associate ran up and tagged along with them and I
was bringing up the rear with two briefcases.
Both briefcases went through the scanner with no problem. I put my keys and
change in the basket, stepped through and set off the alarm. Step back and
empty your pockets, sir. I complied, stepped through again, and set off the
alarm. The roving patrol was waived down by one of the gate guards. Step
back sir! Remove your hat and jacket sir. I complied, stepped through
again, and set off the alarm. Step back sir! Remove your belt and your
shoes, sir. I complied. Are you wearing any other jewelry sir? I removed
my cufflinks, my tietack, and a crucifix. I stepped through again, and set
off the alarm. Step back sir! This time, an Amazon of a woman, at least
six foot six was looking down at me, and said remove your shirt sir!
By this time I was getting more than just a little embarrassed, and quite
red faced. The pilot and co-pilot had been called back from the plane
because of difficulty with a passenger. Me! The amazon demanded I remove
my socks also. I complied, and stepped through again, and set off the
alarm. Step back sir! Spread 'em! I assumed the position, and the amazon
did her duty, as the cute young female guard with the automatic weapon was
giggling! He's no weapons! Step through again, and set off the alarm! Get
back here!! She was raising her voice now. What is it with you, you got a
metal plate in your head??? No, maam. By this time a hand scanner was
produced and she ran it over every inch of my lower body, neck down. Not a
peep! She started at the top of my head and proceeded down, and it went
off at my jawline. At that point, she demanded I OPEN UP! And inspected my
mouth with a pocketlite. How much dental work have you had done?? Work
accident, says I. Everybody was laughing about now. The amazon was
relieved, the pilots were relieved, the stewardess was relieved, the cute
guard with the automatic was really giggling and telling my to have a nice
flight home while handing me my clothing. I boarded the plane, wearing my
pants, barefooted, without a shirt, carrying everything else, and entered to
applause from the other few passengers. I had the company of the
stewardesses the entire 14 hour flight home, and it wasnt' a bit boring.
But, I'd say Schiphol Airport has damned sensitive scanners, and very
thorough security. And the tallest women I've ever seen.
John Doherty
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.4 : Sat May 07 2005 - 20:29:57 PDT