From: Doc Bryant (rbhonk1@cox.net)
Date: Sat Jun 19 2004 - 09:45:50 PDT
I must gently correct Ronzo as he has mistakenly identified the flashlight
subset as a way of identifying the Genus Flatfootus and their subspecies.
I believe, and hope to publish soon in the appropriate scholarly paper that
there is a far easier way of telling the "Old Bulls" from the "Young Bulls"
of the Genus Flatfootus.
The flashlight issue is a better differentiation of herd quality than it is
of the species itself. The well tended and supported herd exhibits itself
by better flashlights (Streamlight Stingers and Tactical Lights) and other
wizard electronic bits. The underfunded, or self funded herds display the
Wal Mart battery equipped conventional Mag Lites and in very old poorly
tended herds, the Kel Lites are sometimes seen.
Differentiation by sidearm type is also not a valid selector of species.
One can wake up one morning and see before one's very eyes an entire herd
gone Glock. Our advice there is keep well beyond ricochet range.
But I digress. The true test of Modern versus Un Modern can be applied
quickly and easily at first encounter with the undefined Flatfootus. The
Flatfootus hair can be studied and checked for the presence of a substance
known as "Butch Wax." Our studies show so far that this is a sure fire
identifier for the Un Modern. The Moderns, if any substance is applied to
the hair, it is some sort of gel or Moose. We understand that there are
sanitary issues with applying Moose to one's hair. We make no comment
therefore on these obscure tribal rituals.
Some mention must be made also of recognition of the truly Ancients by their
Blackjacks. When you hear a conversational fragment such as, "I jacked him
hard," and it was uttered by the butchwax bedecked Un Modern you understand
instantly that some ne'r do well now has a colossal headache. If you
identify the source of the remark as a Gel or Moose Headed Modern, it indeed
might be a mating ritual type of occurance. Our best advice there is not to
shake hands with them.
I hope that I have shown some light on the identification arcana.
Doc Bryant
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