From: Chris Brunner (cjbrunner@optonline.net)
Date: Sat May 06 2006 - 18:36:35 PDT
Haynes Manual Terminology Translated into Common English
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Haynes: Pry...
Haynes: Undo...
Haynes: Retain small spring...
Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Haynes: Lightly...
Haynes: Weekly checks...
Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Haynes: One spanner rating.
Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Haynes: Three spanner rating.
Haynes: Four spanner rating.
Haynes: Five spanner rating.
Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Haynes: Compress...
Haynes: Inspect...
Haynes: Carefully...
Haynes: Retaining nut...
Haynes: Get an assistant...
Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed.
Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Haynes: Index
Translation: Clamp with vice-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer
anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with vice-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Translation: Clamp with vice-grips then beat repeatedly with a hammer.
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start. Now you
are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (giant economy size).
Translation: PINGGGG - "Jesus, where the hell did that go?"
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to
dig
out the bayonet part (and maybe a plaster or two).
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead
are throbbing then clamp with vice-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it.
Translation: If it isn't broken, it's about to be. We warned.
Translation: An infant could do this... so how did you manage to **** it up?
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low,
teensy weensy number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of
the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).
Translation: Make sure you won't need your car for a couple of days.
Translation: You're not seriously considering this are you?
Translation: OK - but don't ever carry your loved ones in it again.
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on it, throw it
at
the garage wall, then find some vice-grips and a hammer...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking
at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought,
it's
going to need a new one"
Translation: You are about to suffer deep abrasions.
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder.
Once
that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to feel
deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
Translation: Yeah, right. But you swear in different places.
Translation: Snap off...
Translation: Clamp with vice-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Translation: Visa Card & Mobile Phone
Translation: Unless you have a blast furnace, don't bother. Alternatively,
clamp with vice-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Translation: List of all the things in the book, bar what you need to do.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.4 : Tue Jul 18 2006 - 21:45:37 PDT